i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?