so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ttyl tear gas
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.