I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drake has all the answers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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