Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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