you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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