my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...