i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
