Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.