She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal