is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.