so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
