Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
