Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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