When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
