He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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