I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
