Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
