forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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