I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
