saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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