a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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