I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
