I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
