I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
