You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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