I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
