Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
