After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
