did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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