I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The ass gains better be worth it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
