My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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