I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
