I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
