The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
