He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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