i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
