Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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