my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize