I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
