It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I smell stomach acid.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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