I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
