A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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