I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize