I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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