Ambien. No doubt about it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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