i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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