One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
