This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
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can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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