Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
