she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
