I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol