What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time