Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless

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  (586): On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless http://tfl.nu/z7nx
  Replies (6) Good night (1088) Bad night (1199)
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  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

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  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
  Replies (89) Good night (9236) Bad night (1733)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  first off, his name is dougie. strike one.

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  (248): first off, his name is dougie. strike one. http://tfl.nu/yrg3
  Replies (22) Good night (1102) Bad night (4664)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

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  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1776) Bad night (6850)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.

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  (228): He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him. http://tfl.nu/emw6
  Replies (10) Good night (1240) Bad night (2843)
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  (714): View more from California

  You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

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  (714): You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works. http://tfl.nu/2moz
  Replies (10) Good night (2098) Bad night (824)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.

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  (920): Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/t9h7
  Replies (9) Good night (2288) Bad night (855)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

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  (508): I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ... http://tfl.nu/q441
  Replies (5) Good night (700) Bad night (1960)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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  (479): You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid (918): I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak http://tfl.nu/f0ta
  Replies (6) Good night (1034) Bad night (502)
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  (310): View more from California

  Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation

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  (310): Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation http://tfl.nu/nk1k
  Replies (10) Good night (505) Bad night (1086)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i think we need a new approach.

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  (616): how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay? (1-616): i think we need a new approach. http://tfl.nu/uyer
  Replies (7) Good night (737) Bad night (354)
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  (408): View more from California

  I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.

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  (408): I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks. http://tfl.nu/3vr5
  Replies (2) Good night (401) Bad night (295)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.

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  (203): I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life. http://tfl.nu/lclu
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (333)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.

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  (262): Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. (215): I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life. http://tfl.nu/r8y6
  Replies (6) Good night (1517) Bad night (304)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me

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  (770): so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me http://tfl.nu/3pww
  Replies (3) Good night (1105) Bad night (284)

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