There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
