my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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