She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.