Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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