My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
