There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize