He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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