EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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