The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
