I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize