the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found puke in my bra..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
