I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can Purell be used as lube?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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