i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
