Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
