Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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