This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
