We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
