Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
