the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
