it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize