clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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