two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
