ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
