I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize