Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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