nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize