Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
