I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
