Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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