I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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