State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
