Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sarcasm needs its own font
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
