How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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