Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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