I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
