Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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